It seems that this blogging about be-ing business does require, after all, do-ing. I realize this after having been inspired last spring to officially launch this site with a photo of my beloved four-legged friend, Pippin, rediscovering the back yard after cold, long months of having only my house as her playground. I had written (okay, half-written) a piece to accompany the photo, gotten caught up in all kinds of warm weather distractions and shenanigans, and—when I remembered my blog-to-be—realized not only that spring had sprung but that it was now time to fall back. And then my work, as in for a living, pulled me away from this effort. And then it was holiday time. Aha, I thought; the New Year! A perfect time to get philosophical—kind of the pause between what has been and what is to be—and one of my very favorite times of the year, when all is dark and still but you know that there is this primal energy at work in the earth preparing it for the renewal that will come, we trust, we hope, in a few months. But alas—that too got away from me. So here I am randomly launching my blog in mid-February on Valentine’s Day—as good a time as any to speak of life’s mysteries, I suppose. Perhaps even a particularly good time, as we associate this day with one of life’s biggest mysteries, love.

So one of the big pieces of news this past week was the announcement by jubilant scientists that after decades of research, they had been able to “hear the universe” via the capturing in audio form of gravitational waves created by the collision of two black holes more than a billion years ago. Even though I couldn’t grasp what exactly had happened, I too felt an uplift due to the fact that this seemed to be one more piece in the massive puzzle of life that we ponderers of the universe gaze upon so intently, looking for meaning and connection between seemingly disparate things. By this I mean that I have a deeply held belief that what many think of as two different and even competing realms—science and spirituality—are actually all part of a whole and inextricably connected. And of course, it will be pointed out that to believe is not to know. But as the intro to this blog points out, I seek to know the rules—just as dependable as gravity in the physical world—that undergird that part of life that is not generally the province of hard science.

To that end, I actually have conducted some research, one phase of which I will recount. Some years ago I was charged with holding monthly meetings about public art for the Mayor in a large city. The members of the local art commission and I would meet to discuss the merits of proposed projects and ultimately, forward our recommendations to the Mayor. I noticed over time that one of the members would inevitably hijack every meeting with her aggressive, abrasive style of communicating and relating to the others, to the point that they would finally give up and withdraw from trying to work as a group. I considered her an enormous pain in the behind and wished she would somehow just go away. I would spend meetings trying to wrest control away from her and wonder how she could not know how very obnoxious she was. I was desperate to change the dynamic, and knew that all I had been doing thus far was not working. So before one meeting, knowing I had nothing to lose, I decided to take a different tack and told myself that I would silently beam loving, appreciative thoughts to this member as much as I could. The results were transformative! Ms. Obnoxious softened her demeanor; she paused to allow other members to respond to her comments; she even smiled! No one else at the meeting had any idea of what I had done, but they certainly experienced the effects.

I recall that when I was tying up all of the dutiful points I was required to touch on in my final paper for graduate school, I wanted more than anything else to put forth a final point that had really never been mentioned during the entire time spent obtaining that degree. And that was that while solid counseling theory and practice are absolutely necessary in effective therapy, just as important is the more ephemeral ingredient of love for one’s clients. Not of course, romantic or fuzzy or inappropriate love, but just kind of love for a fellow human being—sometimes even for a human being who has done inconceivable things. I have been in therapy and I know I have felt and benefited immensely from that kind of love—it has made me feel part of the world again, ready to get back in the game, knowing that we all struggle with this being human business. I end with a quote from a song by one of favorite musicians, whose incessant ponderings have given me and many others comfort for years—

“Do you know what this is? No, I don’t. But whatever it is, it’s very powerful.”

from “Love Is” by Stevie Nicks