Do you ever have the nagging feeling that you’re not doing enough? In my case, that feeling is probably warranted, as actually, I know I should be cleaning my kitchen floor, repotting the plants, doing something about the cat-scratched arms of my sofa, finally putting away all of the wrapping paper that’s still in the basement from when it was being used as the family’s Christmas gift wrap station, checking out cool courses to sign up for, turning the cluttered rooms in my empty nest into useful spaces in which to do meaningful activities, and for once actually thinking about planting things in the flower beds, rather than “seeing what comes up”—as if things will have magically planted themselves there during the winter to surprise me. And this, believe me, is the tip of the iceberg that is my ongoing to-do list of life. It’s probably one of the reasons that I have rebelled and instead work on this blog. Of course, you could argue that I’m simply making excuses for myself and justifying my laziness and procrastination. You could be right. But I always have had a tendency to step back—far, far, back sometimes—to try to look at things that we take for granted more objectively.

Of course, all I’ve listed above pales….shrinks…..when compared to the loftier things I often feel I should be doing. Things to turn around the dire situations that we read about all of the time in the paper—you know, terrorism! The latest pandemic! Saber-rattling from those countries with incredibly mean leaders! Threats to our water supply! The imminent nomination of the scariest candidate for the POTUS that we’ve ever beheld! (Fill in that blank, depending on what side you’re coming from…) It’s all just paralyzing, when you think about it, isn’t it? Which is why, instead, I’m typing this after having done serious slivering damage to the yummy quiche I made last night. You know what slivering is, right? It’s when instead of just cutting yourself a big, walloping hunk of cake or pie or what have you, you instead ever so delicately shave off multiple slices, one at a time, making you think that you really haven’t had so much after all.

The fact is that the things on my personal to-do list, not to mention the items on my national and global to-do list, are worthy goals, and I do not dismiss them. But I have learned over time that when I start ruminating over all there is to do and the feeling of paralysis and being overwhelmed sets in, I take a cue from my very wise companion and housemate, Pippin, and get comfortable somewhere and engage in something mindless (as opposed to mindful—see a few posts ago.) In fact, I had such an episode today—I believe brought on by the trauma of having strolled around the tidal basin in Washington, D.C. at dusk smelling the cherry blossoms in deliciously balmy weather the other evening, only to be battening down the hatches last night and this morning as gale force winds and temperatures in the 30’s forced me back into hibernation mode. I woke up wanting to cocoon, rather than tackle the list, although I made some sincere attempts, including starting to write this post. After a series of dead ends, I decided to retreat to the tv room (one of the empty nest spaces I’ve actually made useful) to see what might be on. “Indochine,” with Catherine Deneuve? A little too stylized and ponderous. “Send Me No Flowers Today” with Rock Hudson and Doris Day? Too light and campy. “Vinyl”—one of HBO’s new series? Too something…hmmm…cynical. Finally settled on a Lifetime movie (I know) that had an interesting story with a good twist along with actors who actually were so good that I felt compelled to look them up and see what else they’re doing. After that, I ventured out to get very, very healthy groceries to kickstart my new Spring weight loss regime—fresh organic spinach! Salmon! Greek yogurt! After which I made an admirably nutricious meal.

And then back to the writing of this post…..so, now what was it that I was trying to say? I think it was that we in this culture have been taught from a very young age that it is very important to be doing things—to be constantly engaged in productive activity all the time in order to be worthy. And yes—we do need to act, to do, in this world. There’s much that needs doing, that needs changing, that needs to be invented, that needs to be created. But there’s much that I value and that I think our sorry world is in need of that is more about being, even in times that seem to cry out for action. For example, I have a beloved, 89 year old aunt with whom I speak fairly frequently, and despite her many ailments which she would certainly be entitled to complain about, she always begins our conversations asking me how I am and then truly listening to my answer with great love and interest, responding with encouragement or sympathy or humor, whatever is called for. What a gift! She is simply one of the most amazing, magnetic women--eternally youthful, still interested in what is going on in the world, and possessed of the type of spiritual energy that actually drew Mother Theresa to her when they both happened to be in the same airport in Moscow. It’s not that my aunt does that much these days….she can’t, really. It’s the way she is. She continues to give to this world simply with her being.

That’s what I wanted to say. I do realize that I’m saying this to myself, through the act of saying it to you who are reading this. Kind of like yes—check off the things on your lists. March in the streets, or go volunteer for your candidate’s campaign, or serve on the committee of a non-profit you believe in, or join the army, or protest against war, or simply send a check, or vote, or say a prayer. Do these things. But also realize that who you are--how you’re being, has immense power to influence the world as well.